Chapter 8, Twilight

The evening breeze in November has already turned cold. Gu Yu's mother has never been in good health. Thinking of this, I called out to her, preparing to leave

It is already the year 2013, and I have successfully entered my junior year. It has been exactly two years since the incident with Gu Yu. Over these two years, Gu Yu has become a responsibility on my shoulders, a responsibility that I cannot shake off or abandon.

The situation regarding the Grain Rain still shows no signs of improvement. I will talk to him about what happened to me at school, and I will also tell him that at that time, Chen Qiaoluo was not someone who would stand by and watch without offering help. Time and again, it seems that this is the only way to make myself feel a little better

I stand by the window at home, gazing at the snow-covered landscape outside. The heating inside is quite sufficient, and as I place my hand on the window, I suddenly feel completely awake.

Over the years, this matter has been like a thorn embedded in my heart, and the guilt I feel towards Chen Qiaoluo often suffocates me. Xu Xuan sighed deeply and said, "I never thought I would encounter Chen Qiaoluo again. That time in the billiard hall, if it weren't for seeing you, I probably would have just brushed past him. But it seemed he didn't recognize me; he didn't even glance at me before leaving. Later, I inquired about his situation and learned that he hasn't been doing well all these years. I know you are a good girl and that Chen Qiaoluo truly likes you. I thought everything had improved and that I would no longer disturb you, but I didn't expect things to turn out this way."

Li Zi asked me a week later why I was unwilling to meet Chen Qiaoluo. I knew he must have returned because Li Zi had informed him about what had happened here. I smiled and did not respond

Thinking of this, my heart could not help but feel sad

I no longer attend classes and spend all my days hiding at home

At that moment, they all noticed me, and I saw too many complex emotions in Chen Qiaoluo's eyes as he looked at me

I comfortingly patted the back of her hand and said, "It's alright, everything will be fine."

We will always reminisce about many things

Two years have passed in the blink of an eye, and during this time, I have often visited Gu Yu and Gu Yu's mother in the hospital

Indeed, Guyu is so wonderful; how could the heavens bear to take his life away so soon

When I arrived at the hospital, Aunt He Pei's right leg was already in a cast, and she was sitting alone on the bed reading a newspaper. Due to the New Year, the hospital was quite quiet. Upon seeing me, Aunt He Pei was momentarily taken aback, then her face lit up with joy as she said to me: "Jun, how come you are here?"

Listening to Aunt He Pei's words, I could no longer hold back and burst into tears while embracing her

Dad decided to take Aunt Shen on a round-the-world trip. He resigned from his job and on the day before leaving, he talked to me about many things. He said that I have grown up and can try to walk the next path on my own. No matter what, as long as I still need him, he will return to my side immediately.

I do not know how long it has been, but when I was exhausted from crying and lay there, I suddenly heard Aunt He Pei's surprised voice beside my ear

Since I learned about this matter, I have wanted to reconnect with Chen Qiaoluo several times, but after entering the phone number, I just cannot bring myself to press the call button

After completing the handover with the lawyer and burying Gu Yu's mother, it was only after all matters were settled that I remembered Chen Qiaoluo

Regarding the matter of Chen Qiaoluo, I find it impossible to express it to Aunt He Pei, and can only silently keep it hidden in my heart

I did not dare to go see Guyu again, I cannot bear to see him lying in the cold morgue, I fear that it would make me unable to hold back my collapse. I feel as if as long as I do not go, then Guyu is not dead, he is merely in a place I cannot see, still breathing the air of this earthly world

Upon hearing her mention Chen Qiaoluo, my eyelids slightly drooped

I haven't heard anyone mention Chen Qiaoluo for a long time, and in an instant, I found myself feeling a desire to confide.

I have forgotten how long it has been, and the fear within me is gradually consuming me

He continued, "When he was about five or six years old, he once came to find me to go fishing in the river together. At that time, we were both just children, and our playful nature was overwhelming. Initially, we were only playing in the shallower areas, but somehow we ended up going further and further away. Just as I began to feel something was off and was about to remind him to head back, he accidentally stepped into a muddy area and was instantly submerged. I was extremely panicked at that moment, and it took me a while to react and call for help. Perhaps it was our lucky day, as a fisherman happened to pass by and rescued him. Since then, Chen Qiaoluo has never dared to touch water again; his fear of water was so intense that he even became afraid to take a bath at home. His mother put in a lot of effort to help him gradually understand. However, he still did not dare to go near the river afterward, and even small streams made him feel scared."

I mock him for being pretentious, yet a deep sense of emotion wells up within me. I think this is my father, a man who truly loves me, cares for me, and dotes on me

I do not know what I am afraid of, perhaps I am simply afraid of facing him, afraid of confronting my previous distrust towards him

I have dreamt of him countless times, only to wake up and find him still lying on that cold, desolate hospital bed. Sometimes I wonder, if that incident had never occurred, he would have grown into a figure of adulthood by now. With his achievements, his future would undoubtedly have been so brilliant, but why did he have to exit so quietly?

It turns out she had already made arrangements for her own affairs.

I asked Li Zigu Gu Yu where her mother is now, and she told me that the body is still in the morgue and has not been claimed.

I visit Aunt He Pei once every week. Since she started this job as a cashier, she has become much more cheerful, but she still sadly complains to me that Chen Qiaoluo has not returned yet

Seeing my emotions become agitated, Li Zi's lips moved slightly, and after a long while, she gently opened her mouth and said: "Gu Yu's mother, she... she has passed away"

I called her name again and again, but all that responded to me was the hollow and lonely sound of the wind

At this moment, time seems to have slowed down

Just yesterday, I went to see him, and he still has not woken up. Even Gu Yu's mother's condition has worsened. The doctor informed me that Gu Yu's mother's kidneys are gradually failing, and at most, she can only hold on until the end of next year

The warmth emanating from the cup instantly warmed my cold hands. Aunt He Pei sat down beside me, looking at me with concern and asking, "Jun, is something wrong?"

Alas, if only that rascal in our family were half as considerate as you

The wind passes through the hall, and my heart aches as if it is about to die

In the moment I fainted, I saw Chen Qiaoluo's eyes filled with concern.

When Xiao Heige called me, it was the evening of New Year's Eve. He hurriedly asked on the phone: "Jun, do you have anything to do right now?"

As I saw Li Zi about to rush out, I grabbed her hand firmly.

This is the first time I have seen Gu Yu's body in such a long time; he is so quiet. I tell myself not to cry in front of Gu Yu's body, as I fear he would worry because of it

Aunt He Pei's words left me unable to respond, and after a while, I managed to force a bitter smile at her and said: "Aunt, your words truly overwhelm me. I have not denied Chen Qiaoluo any opportunity; it is just that he himself is too afraid to come see me now."

I do not understand why someone as good as Guyu has left this world in such a manner; he clearly deserved a brighter future.

It was a clear and pleasant day, and on that day, Gu Yu's mother appeared to be in very good spirits

It is unclear how much time has actually passed, when the nurse walked in, paused for a moment upon seeing us, and then formally said: "Bed 48, it's time for your injection, family members should wait aside for now"

I know that after Gu Yu's departure, her mother should not be able to hold on for much longer. Her health has always been particularly frail, and Gu Yu's situation has dealt her a significant blow. Perhaps this is the best outcome; if Gu Yu's mother were to linger in her illness while yearning for Gu Yu, it would be an even greater torment. At least now, in that paradise above the clouds, the two of them can continue to live happily together.

I do not know how the Grain Rain will be, I only know that my current state is worse than death. I have already experienced separation in life, yet I did not expect that now I must also endure the separation of death

My throat felt as if it had been burned by fierce flames, I ignored that tearing sensation and hoarsely asked, "Where is Gu Yu's mother, how is she doing?"

My life seems to have lost its vitality since this winter began, I have started to fear the cold more and more, and my stomach pain has transformed from occasional discomfort to habitual cramping.

I turned around in surprise to look at him, only to see Xu Xuan with his eyes closed. After a while, he finally opened them, and his gaze resembled a tranquil ocean.

It seems that Aunt He Pei noticed the change in my expression, and she sighed before saying: "It has been such a long time, and I have long since stopped asking about your situation with A Luo. However, Jun Hao, no matter what, I hope you can give A Luo another chance. As his mother, I do not want to see him so sad"

Dad and Aunt Shen's wedding will be held at the end of November, when the autumn osmanthus is fragrant and the ground is covered with red maple leaves. Although both parties are remarrying, Dad still meticulously prepared a Western-style wedding. When they exchanged vows in front of a crowd of family and friends, I finally couldn't help but burst into tears

In fact, I am not quite sure where to begin with this matter.

as well as those who have already departed

She said: "Jun, how did you come over?"

Xu Xuan handed me a bottle of drink and asked, "Go ahead and tell me, what is going on between you and him?"

At that time, I was home alone eating instant noodles. After I told him it was nothing, he continued, "Then could you please go to the hospital to check on Sister He Pei? I just returned to my hometown a few days ago, and today the hospital called to inform me that she slipped and fell while going upstairs. You know that rascal A Luo hasn't been back for years, and I can't return for the time being, so I can only trouble you to take care of her for a bit."

I promised Xiao Hei Ge, changed my clothes, turned off the heating at home, and walked out. The wind outside was still howling, and large flakes of snow were falling from the sky. I stood on the street, looking up at the sky, and after a while, I continued to walk forward. This was the first time I had gone out after confining myself at home.

I do not know how terrified he was when he watched the rain fall during the Grain Rain festival, nor do I know how sad and desperate he felt when faced with my accusations. It is only at this moment that I realize how absurdly wrong I was, and I also understand how little I trusted Chen Qiaoluo

"I suppose not," I said with a self-deprecating smile, "We just haven't been in touch."

I spoke intermittently about my past with Chen Qiaoluo. I recounted my love, his affections, the happy and sad moments from the past, and finally, when I mentioned the time Gu Yu fell into the water and he did nothing to help, remaining silent, I could no longer hold back my tears.

She seemed to have noticed that I had woken up, and immediately came close to me, tearfully saying: "Jun, do you know that you scared me to death? Just wait, I will go call the doctor right now"

I had forgotten how I had walked up to her, and by the time I saw her clearly, her face was already bruised and discolored.

"Little Black Brother said you had a bit of trouble, and since I happen to be free, I came to take care of you." I walked over and sat down beside her

My father has been away for more than a month, and during this time, I can receive his video calls anytime and anywhere. Every time I answer, the scenery behind him is quite different, and I know he wants to convey to me that he has never truly left.

I sat for a long time in front of his grave with Gu Yu's mother, and neither of us spoke.

Aunt He Pei sighed as she held my hand and said, "Alas, this little black one! It's not as if I am suffering from a serious illness that requires someone to take care of me."

A moment of unease swept over me again. Seeing her silent, I raised my voice once more and asked, "Where is Gu Yu's mother? What exactly happened to her?"

Over the past six months, I have experienced occasional dull pain in my stomach. I thought it was likely caused by irregular eating habits, and I haven't mentioned it to my father. When the pain becomes severe, I go directly to the hospital to get medication

I think that if it weren't for me, Chen Qiaoluo wouldn't have gone to City × alone; if it weren't for me, the mother and son who relied on each other wouldn't have been separated like this. I truly am a scoundrel for not believing Chen Qiaoluo so much

I followed Aunt He Pei into the house, and she poured a cup of hot tea into my hands, saying: "Warm your hands first; it's so cold outside, and you didn't even call me beforehand."

Sometimes I wonder if he is still harboring hatred towards me, and I think about what kind of new life he might be living over there

The lawyer found me in the afternoon and informed me that Gu Yu's mother had previously entrusted him to assist in purchasing a burial plot, which is located right next to Gu Yu's.

I sat at the stairway in a state of despair, unable to hold back my tears

the songs I have heard or the scenery I have seen

This statement struck me like a bolt from the blue, leaving me momentarily at a loss. After finally processing this statement, tears involuntarily streamed down from my eyes

The doctor originally said that Gu Yu's mother would not live much longer, but perhaps because she was worried about Gu Yu, she has stubbornly held on until now

Despair washed over me like a rising tide, making even breathing difficult. Just when I thought I was about to die, a pair of hands caught my falling body

I have forgotten how I walked out of Xu Xuan's skating rink, and I do not know how long I wandered aimlessly on the street. By the time I raised my head again, I was already standing downstairs at Chen Qiaoluo's home.

When I woke up again, I found myself surrounded by pure white walls. Tilting my head slightly, I saw Li Zi beside me, sobbing uncontrollably

"One cannot say that, as it is a rare opportunity for me to take care of the aunt." I smiled.

Li Zi came to see me several times, but each time she left with a sigh. Later, she wrote me a very long letter, in which she expressed that she knew I was not feeling well at the moment, but she was still willing to wait for me to get better. She always believed that I would return to my former self.

In fact, over the past six months, I have not stopped thinking about Chen Qiaoluo. In every silent night, on every bustling street, and in countless scenes I have encountered, I have been missing him. Yet I know that no amount of longing can bring us together; Chen Qiaoluo and I are like two hedgehogs, having already inflicted wounds upon each other.

Yet the shock still lingers in my heart

She lives alone, and now that her leg is injured, it must be very inconvenient for her. I thought about it and decided to go back and live with her to make it easier to take care of her

I know that Chen Qiaoluo has returned. Sometimes, when I am busy, I can always feel a pair of eyes closely following me. I know it is Chen Qiaoluo, but he still does not know how to face me.

Aunt He Pei continuously expressed her gratitude to me, occasionally sighing and criticizing Chen Qiaoluo.

I saw the doctor's eyelids slightly droop, and unease gradually expanded at that moment. He removed his mask with his hand and said apologetically, "I am truly sorry. We have done our best, but the patient's condition is simply too dire. Please accept my condolences."

Upon hearing her mention Chen Qiaoluo, my eyes involuntarily filled with tears. In the mist rising from the teacup, my tears finally dripped one by one into the cup

I lowered my head, and many memories of my time with Gu Yu flashed through my mind. I remember the way I confessed to him for the first time, the scene when he came to find me because of Chen Qiaoluo, and so many other images, enough to bring tears to my eyes

Seeing me like this, she paused in confusion and looked at me

Seeing me cry, Li Zi could not help but start shedding tears again. She held me tightly in her arms, continuously comforting me

Upon hearing me mention Gu Yu's mother, Li Zi's expression changed.

A nurse walked past me, and I grabbed her wrist, asking desperately, "What happened to the patient in bed 32? Where did he go?"

I shook the bag in my hand and said, "My stomach feels a bit uncomfortable, so I came to get some medicine"

On this New Year's Eve, I accompanied Aunt He Pei in the hospital for the entire night. The doctor said she has a sprained right ankle, which is somewhat serious, and recommended that she stay in the hospital for a few days

It was as if the entire world had been plunged into darkness in that instant

Xu Xuan unconsciously frowned and pulled me out of the hospital. He said, "If you don't mind, could you tell me about it?"

Xu Xuan's response was something I had never considered, nor had Chen Qiaoluo ever mentioned it to me. If Xu Xuan had not brought it up today, I fear I would have harbored this resentment towards Chen Qiaoluo for the rest of my life

I sit on his bed, reflecting on how he has slept on this very bed for many years. On the writing desk by the head of the bed, there are several books; I opened them and glanced through, finding his hasty handwriting inside.

However, in comparison to the harmony of my current family, Guyu appears even more unfortunate

In an instant, my tears could no longer be restrained and fell down in a cascade.

Xu Xuan took me to his skating rink, which is the place where we first met. I still remember that at that time I invited Chen Qiaoluo to come and play with me, but he refused me on the grounds of pursuing a beautiful girl, which caused me to fall hard.

I do not speak, I merely remain silent, feeling sad

As soon as he finished speaking, Gu Yu's mother fainted due to her inability to accept this reality. Someone hurriedly came over to take her away, leaving me standing there all alone.

I think I have been immersed in sadness for far too long, and it is time to awaken.

I looked at him in shock

Hearing me say this, Xu Xuan glanced around and asked with some confusion, "What happened to the boy who was with you earlier?"

It is just that I know this is impossible; it is merely me deceiving myself

The next time I saw Xu Xuan was in mid-December, exactly six months after our last meeting. That day I had a stomachache, and while I was at the hospital getting medication, I unexpectedly ran into Xu Xuan

The doctor's words, I have not told anyone, only when one person remembers will they be unable to help but cry secretly

When I saw him just now, I noticed that he had become much darker, and his cheeks had sunken in. My nose tinged with a sour feeling, and it took me a while to regain control of my emotions before taking the glutinous rice balls to the kitchen

When I detached myself from my memories, dusk had already fallen, and a cold wind blew by. I glanced at Gu Yu's mother, who still maintained her original posture

Even today, I still refuse to believe how indifferent Chen Qiaoluo was at that time. In my heart, he should be that pure white youth, not the demon with black wings waving by the riverbank that afternoon. That incident is like a nightmare of mine, entangling me repeatedly in every early morning when I am sound asleep.

Mother Guyu almost stumbled as she rushed over and asked the doctor, "Doctor, how is my son?"

I have forgotten how I made my way to the hospital; by the time I stumbled into Guyu's ward, he was already gone

I do not know how long I have been crying, and Xu Xuan beside me has remained silent.

Seeing her ask this, I simply shook my head vigorously

I moved into Chen Qiaoluo's house, and his room is very clean, as if Aunt He Pei cleans it every day

Seeing me like this, Aunt Pei could only sigh repeatedly and said: "I know you are good friends with our A Luo, and A Luo likes you too. Junhao, I know you are a good girl, and ever since I got to know you, A Luo has changed a lot. I don't know what exactly happened between you two, but I believe you can definitely resolve it."

He sighed and then said: "You say that Chen Qiaoluo stands by and does nothing in the face of death, disregarding the life and death of his good friend. In fact, Zhu Junhao, you are mistaken; Chen Qiaoluo does not stand by and do nothing, but rather he does not dare to save."

Yes, it has been two years since he left without saying goodbye, yet he has not returned even once

It was not until Aunt He Pei said, "Jun is back," that Chen Qiaoluo and I finally reacted and hurriedly averted our gazes

Gu Yu's mother placed his urn in the purchased burial plot, which is said to have excellent feng shui, surrounded by lush trees. The person selling the burial plot claimed that this location is very suitable for the deceased to find peace and can also bless him to ascend to heaven

Indeed, it has been a long time since we last met

Later on, Li Zi informed me that Chen Qiaoluo had returned to City ×. After that, we never saw each other again

I called out to her several times, but she did not respond, and in an instant, fear engulfed my entire being

Seeing me like this, she merely sighed and did not pursue the matter further. After a while, she finally spoke: "What are you young people thinking? I really cannot understand. Take A Luo for example; six months ago, he left for City × without a word, and he hasn't returned even once since then."

It seemed that he noticed something was off with me, and Xu Xuan asked, "Did you have a quarrel?"

When I arrived at the door of the operating room, Gu Yu's mother was already there. Her emotional state was very poor, and a nurse was standing beside her to take care of her. Upon seeing me, her tears could not help but fall down in streams. She said: "Junhao, what should I do? What am I supposed to do?"

He seemed to have come to visit me while I was ill. When he saw me, he waved his hand with some joy and immediately ran over to me. He asked, "Zhu Jun, how come you are here?"

Indeed, we all do not know how to confront the past

The tragedy of Guyu has left my world without sunshine since that day, as if the entire world is shrouded in a gray hue. How I wish this were merely a dream I had, that upon waking, Guyu would still be by my side, smiling at me with a face full of sunshine

I was in the kitchen, lost in thought while cooking the glutinous rice balls, and the sound of the television could be heard from outside

As I looked at him, he smiled gently and said, "Zhu Jun, it's been a long time since we last met"

For three whole days, Gu Yu's mother has been weeping incessantly. No matter what I say to her, it seems as if she cannot hear me at all. The doctor has warned that if this continues, her body simply cannot withstand it. Although I am worried, I have no way to help her. The pain of losing a loved one is too difficult to bear

After a week of despair, Gu Yu's mother finally accepted the reality. She called me over and entrusted me with the arrangements for Gu Yu's funeral. She said that Gu Yu had endured a lot of suffering since childhood, and now she could finally rest well

I do not know how much time has passed when I finally heard Xu Xuan's slightly sad voice. He said: "Zhu Junhao, you have wronged Chen Qiaoluo."

Xiao Hei Ge called to inform me that Aunt He Pei has resigned from her job at the bar to work as a cashier at a supermarket. It was at this moment that I remembered I had not been in contact with Chen Qiaoluo for a long time. Since starting university, I occasionally receive postcards postmarked from City X, and I know they are sent by Chen Qiaoluo, but I have never replied to them.

As the year-end approached, my father called to inform me that he and Aunt Shen did not plan to return for the New Year. There was a hint of guilt in his voice. I comforted him, telling them not to mind. At that time, snow had already begun to fall in City A

I never expected Chen Qiaoluo to suddenly return; it was already the Lantern Festival on the fifteenth day of the first lunar month. I had just returned home after helping Aunt He Pei buy the tangyuan when I saw Chen Qiaoluo sitting on the sofa talking to Aunt He Pei, and I was taken aback, frozen in place.

Perhaps in her eyes, I seem a bit cold-hearted, but what is wrong with being this way now? As for Chen Qiaoluo, even after all this time, even though I still think of him, the Guyu has become an insurmountable chasm between us, constantly reminding me that it is impossible for him and me.

Finally, the red light in the operating room was turned off, and the door was opened, followed by a group of people walking out from inside

He said: "Actually, I have known Chen Qiaoluo since we were young. At that time, I lived on the street next to his house, and he often followed behind me calling me Brother Xu Xuan. I don't know if you are aware of what happened in his family. When he was ten years old, his father went to prison for murder. That street was already rife with gossip, and the news of his father's crime spread throughout the entire street. I was also quite young at that time, and when my mother heard about this incident, she no longer allowed me to play with him. Several times when he came to find me, my mother stopped him at the door. My mother is a straightforward person, and perhaps this will make you laugh, but that is the truth. She believed what others said and thought that Chen Qiaoluo would definitely not turn out to be a good person, so she said some very harsh words to him. I stood at the door watching Chen Qiaoluo turn around and leave without saying a word. After that, he never came to find me again. Occasionally, when I passed by the alley, I would see him being bullied. I wanted to help him but would remember my mother's words, and this inner conflict continued until finally, Chen Qiaoluo moved away with his mother. Sometimes I would hear news about him from others. I wanted to find him but did not dare to, because I was afraid he still held a grudge against me for what happened back then. Later, my father became successful in business and took our family away from that street. After that, I never heard any news about Chen Qiaoluo again."

I held that book and read for a long time, until my eyes felt slightly sore before I came to my senses

After much hesitation, I finally walked up. At this hour, Aunt He Pei seems to be not at home, and I knocked on the door for a long time without anyone responding

We stayed in the hospital for three days, and after three days, Aunt He Pei no longer wanted to remain in the hospital, so I assisted her in completing the discharge procedures

The weather in City A seems to have rapidly turned cold after entering winter, and during this time, my father went to a warm subtropical region with Aunt Shen. I did not tell him about what was happening around me, as I did not want him to worry

Upon hearing him mention Chen Qiaoluo, I involuntarily lowered my eyelids

Whenever I think of this, my nose can't help but feel a slight sting

I received a call from Gu Yu's mother from the hospital in early November, and on the other end of the line, she was crying so hard that she could hardly catch her breath

I have been deceiving myself to such an extent that when Li Zi saw me like this, she almost wanted to slap me awake. Her tone was filled with deep sorrow as she said: "Zhu Jun, you can continue to ruin yourself like this. If you don't take yourself seriously, I don't want to care about you anymore. But you need to think clearly, does Gu Yu really wish for you to be like this? If he saw you in this state now, I believe he would be restless even in heaven." You don't take yourself seriously, and I don't want to care about you anymore. But you need to think clearly, does Gu Yu really wish for you to be like this? If he saw you in this state now, I believe he would be restless even in heaven.

A sense of panic surged within me, and an uneasy premonition gradually arose. I dared not urge Gu Yu's mother, and could only endure the inner torment as I listened to her speak in a halting manner: "Jun, it's not good, the doctor just came to tell me that Xiao Yu is in critical condition."

As his daughter, I have caused my father countless troubles since childhood, yet he has never hit or scolded me. Now that he has finally found his own happiness, I naturally cried tears of joy.

I do not know how much time has passed, but I felt someone approaching from behind. When I turned around, I saw Chen Qiaoluo standing there